The Snip – Part Two: (by Montague Mulberry)
At 8.00 am the next morning I rang the knife man’s office, the fiasco of the evening before was too much to bare and a wake up call of huge proportions so I booked in for The Snip – the vasectomy procedure.
For those of you wanting the gory details of The Snip (in fact not that gory at all) here goes: The legal requirements for The Snip (in NZ and I assume Australia are similar) that the prospective Snipee must receive counselling; mine went along the following lines. Do you have any children ? Yes, 3. At one stage I had 3 under 4. The youngest is about to start school and my wife and I have decided that we do not want any more. Fine, counselling over, sign here.
Question 2: Do you want a reversible vasectomy ? No. Are you sure ? Yes. OK, sign here.
Stage 3. A bit of a briefing as to the exact procedure.
He began a medic’s dissertation in the way he would conduct the procedure. I had no interest in hearing this so cut him short (excuse the pun), I simply explained I wouldn’t be here, pants down etc, if I didn’t trust him. Having said that, FYI, the actual procedure is a small incision into the scrotal sack (this is just the skin around your testicle not the testicle itself), once inside the specific sperm tube (highway) is severed. In the case of a reversible procedure, the ends of the tube are folded back and “clipped” (think paper clip not chopped). In the case of a non reversible procedure a lengthy portion of the tube is cut and removed and the resultant ends are quartered.
Before the patient goes through this procedure, he receives two painless injections. One is administered into the back of your hand and is a mild, calm you down sedative. Many guys like the sensation as it can make you feel very “stoned, mellow etc” and that is the purpose of it. No doctor will want to be cutting any vital stuff if you are stressed and moving around. The second is a simple local into the scrotal sack to ensure that you do not feel any “discomfort” while someone is chopping up your vital tubes !
To my absolute amazement, the doctor offered me a mirror, clearly so I could witness the big chop. I had no interest but many guys do take this option and are fascinated to watch the procedure. Like anything medical, it’s your call so if you want to, do so. And if the doctor doesn’t make the offer, and you want to witness the procedure, tell him you want a mirror so that you can watch.
What is also apparently quite common, is that your wife, partner is in attendance to witness this milestone in your life ! In my case that didn’t happen but again, it’s your call. Maybe some wives are genuinely curious to witness the procedure but I suspect more are there to make bloody sure that the procedure does actually happen (and who could blame them).
The whole process is over in about 15 minutes.
Once finished, I then got up and walked out.
This phase is worthy of comment. I planned ahead. You will need to stop at the chemist / pharmacy and pick up a prescription, again, simple stuff a few pain killers just in case and some antiseptic cream to gently put over the cut area for the next few days. Some of you won’t care about this and will line up and get your little bag of goodies. Personally, the last thing I wanted to do was stand in front of a beautiful, female, 20 something pharmacist; looking like a dog that had just had his balls cut out. So, I requested that The Snip man had already seen to all of this and I could simply pick up my bag of goodies from him as I walked out. Really easy, tell him to add it to the bill this a most non price sensitive moment in your life.
I had heard that the optimal post, procedure position was sitting in front of a big screen showing your favourite sport (I am told, DO NOT watch your favourite porn shows !!) , legs apart and a pack of frozen peas strategically placed.
I had returned home post procedure, had adopted this position, and FYI it was about 3.30 pm on a sunny, Friday afternoon.
Thankfully, after two hours, I had not experienced any discomfort, so as bizarrely as it sounds, got up and mowed the small lawn that we had at that time.
So, in summary: scary as shit to go and have some stranger stick a sharp scalpel in your scrotal sack. Reality, pick a very experienced operative and have the faith.
Let me also address the other really important questions that I considered and no doubt you have and are too:
What is the impact on my sex life post The Snip ?
Is there actually any sperm that shoots out when I come ?
Will my wife / partner view me as a neutered dog ?
Will sex hurt ?
Will my ability to satisfy my wife / partner be affected ?
Is this procedure 100 % reliable ?
Sexual performance ? No problem at all, completely unaffected. There is obviously a stand down period, budget on two weeks max.
Your own desire: No difference with a potential upside. There is something liberating by being able to bonk your brains out without the fear of unwanted pregnancy.
Discomfort; In my case virtually none. I have heard of some nightmare stories although, not many. Go back to my recommendation, pick someone whom has done thousands !
When you ejaculate, the running stuff still shoots forth, apparently the clever chop man finds a way to ensure that it’s all “just juice”.
Wife / partners attitude:
This is a great and uplifting part of the whole process. My situation came with the complete support from my wife and Mother of our three children. We had discussed this matter at length, she knew and understood that I did not like the idea of having the procedure but was comfortable to do so given our commitment to each other and that fact that we had three, happy, healthy, children and a little surprise pack would be a real impediment to our plans going forward.
Imagine the attitudinal change from her perspective; suddenly sex and love making did not have an unwanted pregnancy connotation. From a woman’s perspective, this procedure removes all sorts of fears, it is liberating and even more importantly, it is viewed as a very real expression of your love to her. It is a tangible expression of all those things and she will view you as a loving and supporting husband and Father. May sound old school but so what.
Chaps, (provided you have discussed it all with her and reached an agreement) she will love you for doing this. Give yourself a few weeks and then strap yourself in and bonk yourself crazy.
Please note; this article is NOT medical advice. The actual procedure described above has been superseded by various technologies (including laser) nothing contained herein should ever be construed as advice. If you are considering The Snip consult your wife who will in turn send you off to a doctor (and so she should !)
Best of luck with your decision, talk it through with your loved ones, if you decide to get The Snip choose a highly experienced snipper, get good and relevant medical advice and then if the concept appeals to you go with it.