The Family feud fiasco is more common than you think. Whether it’s between a brother and sister, brothers, sisters, children and parents, parents themselves and or other relations it will most likely be a dynamic you will have to deal with during your life time. These type family conflicts happen for a reason and often it is because of ‘dormant’ issues that one or more persons have not had the courage to bring forth in the past. Or they have simply remained silent to keep the peace within the family environment.
Sibling rivalry, envy, jealousy is common. Often the jealous brother or sister will rear their ugly head and in a lot of cases it is done subtly over many years. Envy and or jealousy is hidden anger and best withdrawn from to re-group when that becomes apparent. The old saying “you can pick your friends but not your family” is true and that can be frustrating.
When a family feud involves a parent especially an ageing parent that really needs to be resolved by the family members concerned. Ignoring parents is not the way either although it may appear the best logic at the time it creates the family feud fiasco from hell especially by adult children. Although it states in the Bible with the 10 Commandments to ‘Honor thy Father and Mother’ like a lot of what is written in the bible it should not be taken literally. What that really means decoded is Love Thy Father (God) and Mother (Nature aka Earth).
Some parents who have ignored their children over a long period of time through other new relationships or other distractions might need a wake up call. If they now find themselves being ignored then they have a bit of work to do to restore the relationship.
Childless adult members of any family will have their own subjective views on families and life. Tolerance is needed with them. If they haven’t had kids there ignorance of many issues can be very relevant.
Misbehaving ill mannered children can often be the cause of the odd family feud and that is unlikely to change. Don’t let the parents of these type children force their will upon a family situation, embrace an articulate response if this occurs.
Parents fighting continuously with each other is not a good sign and if children are involved this has a dramatic long lasting effect on them. Parents who continuously ignore this need intervention and counselling. A lot of marriage and relationship breakdowns are financially motivated and children do not need to witness these type arguments. Seek time to yourselves to try and resolve couples issues or look into professional counselling.
What ever the reason for the conflict and feud in your family remember to keep an objective view. Discussion will help even if it becomes assertive. Don’t get aggressive and understand the difference between assertion and aggression. Let people finish talking, don’t interrupt, and make sure any opinions have a sound, measured and accurate judgement applied. Otherwise they lack credibility.
Family members who do not want to discuss the family feud fiasco matters face to face are avoiding the reality of the situation. It’s best to understand you cannot change the unchangeable but you can withdraw from the unacceptable and try another angle. Hidden anger can lead to depression and suicide.
When a family member has a ‘hissy fit’ and states “I don’t want to see, talk or have anything to do with you again” understand they have real unresolved issues themselves, and this transference of petulance has stemmed from either a resentment or antagonism of you from the past that you have either not been aware of or ignored. Let them vent their irritated spleen with the ‘hissy fit’ (either verbally or written) and don’t react. See what evolves after that. Men and women are both equally capable of dramatic hissy fits!
Most if not all families are dysfunctional so don’t take it all too seriously and don’t wait until the family Xmas dinner to create the family feud fiasco when everyone is sitting around the dinner table. Take a few jokes along to the next family gathering, you might need them! Hate is not a family value!
“If you have one finger pointing at somebody, you have three pointing towards yourself.” ~ Nigerian Proverb