Fallen Angels or Risen Apes? Problems in relationships of any kind can often be deduced because at least one person in the relationship is being negative, cynical or pessimistic. Much has been written about this and the addiction to this type of behaviour. Yes addiction! continual negative and cynical behaviour can produce serotonin (which makes us feel good) so a cynical person reacts this way to improve their status and it actually makes them feel better when they do.
“Cynicism feels good because it triggers the brain chemicals that make
us happy. It triggers dopamine by making things seem predictable. It boosts
serotonin by making you feel superior to ‘the jerks.’ It stimulates oxytocin by
cementing social alliances. Cynicism relieves cortisol as you fight or flee in
your mind. Negativity is natural, but you can go beyond it if you
choose.” ~ Dr. Loretta Breuning – Beyond Cynical: Transcend Your Mammalian Negativity
The good news is that negativity and cynicism can be replaced with a better landscape of far more healthy, happy, and productive behaviour. After all, as Dr. Breuning points out, being cynical ultimately isn’t helping you in any constructive way. She says it makes you powerless. A new approach would be to change this way of thinking which inevitably will change the outcome of almost every situation and relationship you have in a more positive productive way.
We get to choose the way we think and react. Response is always better than reaction in any relationship. It’s always tough to get rid of old habits that provide you with destructive outcomes. With perseverance and a change of attitude it can be done over a few weeks.
Dr Loretta Breuning is not describing animals because they are a model of love, but because they are wired to survive in any way possible, by doing things that feel good but that may not actually be good.
That same mammal programming is in us. It drives us to food, sex, and status. Take the time to read Dr Loretta Breuning’s books on this it will change the way you think!